Pride Comes Before a Fail

Well, they say pride comes before a fall, but I'm going to use the new "fail" slang that seems to have developed without informing me since I've been here as "pride comes before a fail" adds an extra air of embarrassment, which is fully appropriate for the amount of egg on my face after three recent events. Indeed, bad luck has come in a lovely set of three, as if the God of Japan has read my blog, noted everything that I have boasted about and has decided to teach me a big fat three tiered lesson.

Firstly, I told you how wonderful I am at riding a bike now and how I glide along around the rice fields of Ita-where, with farmers gazing at my grace, speed and control. Cue me cycling into a bollard the other day, trapping my foot between it and a pedal whilst the other foot was still pushing forward on the other pedal (obviously over confident in his counterpart's foot's cycling ability), creating a space between said pedal and said bollard which was far too small for a foot, yet had a foot in it. This happened at a light, embarrassingly holding up the car that was about to turn the corner into the street, which decided to turn anyway, just in time to see me yelp and yell a couple of awful profanities and for the child in the car, who I teach, as the lovely lady of fate would have it, to shout "Hello" out of the window (I was still mid-profanity at the time, so they did not get a response).

Secondly, I have boasted a little about Japanese fashion and having tried out a few bits, some succesfully, some unsuccessfully. Also, in conversation, and in my own head, I have been bigging myself up for saving enough money at the end of last month to go on a fashion splurge in Harajuku, and having made such wonderfully fashionable purchases, which all suit me, were good deals and fit well...perfection. Cut to me on Monday morning prancing around my flat, posing in my new clothes before packing them all for a three-day conference that I was heading off to at about 10 O clock. Such pretty clothes, which would work so well for post-conference drinking and karaoking with other teachery friends. Pit I forgot about the actual MEETINGS that would take up 70% of my time there and forgot to pack a change of shirt for three days...H+M stop off necessary. Total fail.

Thirdly, I do believe that I boasted to a ridiculous extent about my amazing omiyage skills and how all of my presents are superb quality and all go down so well. I sent three sets of Christmas crackers to Japan from the UK at Christmastime, by means of omiyage for three of my primary school. I also sent a card with a quick explanation that they are a British tradition and not common in most parts of the world, even the rest of the English-speaking world or Europe and that if they didn't know what to do, they should ask the fourth grade teachers as we made some in December's fourth grade class in every school. I didn't get many thank yous at all, for what I thought was a very original and fun present. In reality, it played our rather differently. I saw a few teachers with them still on their desk at one school in mid-Feb when I first went back to my primary school shifts, and a whole unopened box (out of one that I sent) at another. At the third school, I got a couple of thank yous and didn't see any lying around, so I reckoned that they had gone down better there. This was until, the rather bolshy (for a Japanese person) librarian, who said "What was that cracker thing?" "Mine didn't make a sound." I couldn't believe it, I've never had a broken one ever. It turns out that she had no idea what it was or how to use it as no-one had shown her the card and the fourth grade teacher hadn't said anything, so she tried to pull in ON HER OWN....and...wait for it.... OVER HER HEAD (I didn't know whether to laugh or cryat that image). We then did a quick survey of some other teachers in the room, to find that two still had their sitting at home because they didn't know what to do and one thought that it was supposed to be eaten!! BIG FAT CRACKER FAIL.

Random Event Of The Day 5

I was shopping (or doing very good just-looking-not-even-touching due to lack of funds) in a Japanese fashion shop called Comme Ca in Shinjuku the weekend before last. Comme Ca is pretty cool and funky...bit top-shoppy but not quite as out there. Anyway, they had a song on loop where the first couple of bars featured a voice over with somebody shouting "Hello" in English and I actually reacted to it and looked over my shoulder THREE TIMES as if someoby was talking to me!! It sounded so realistic and is testament to the fact that my new call sign is simply "Hello" as most of my kids forget my name so don't ever make it past "hello" and for half of the rest of Japan, that's about as far as in English as they can get...very embarrassing and a true sign of what my life has become!!

Japanese Fashion!

I don't know much about fashion, but I know a great deal about people-watching! I have comprised a list of the top trends for both guys and girls on the streets of Japan at the moment, with some words of encouragement (or more often caution) for the wannabe copycat back home in Blighty (or anywhere else in the Western world).

The Japanese Man

The Strap

Surely the most important accessory in the life of every Japanese person, be it on bags, coats, mobile phones, or any other potential hang-space. The plethora of dangling bits and bobs leaves you wondering why phones are on silent in Japanese trains while you can hear the jingle-jangle of the bells ringing up and down the carriage. Phone straps are a fashion item that may appear at best effeminate, at worst childish and stupid to the average Westerner, but whatever your opinion they are clearly here to stay.
Advice for the westerner copycat: I confess to have caved to this fashion craze once or twice, but have limited myself to only adorning my mobile phone and only whilst in Japan. If you cannot resist the cuteness of the mobile strap, be sure you do a double check before hopping on a bus or train going anywhere remotely cool unless you want a beating for resembling a geeky teenage girl.

The Bright Check

A buttercup shade of yellow, a fuchsia shade of mauve, or a plain poofta shade of pink -- the more feminine the colour the better! I challenge you to find a Japanese man under 40 who is not adorning a check-pattern on him somewhere. Seriously… just try!

Advice for the western copycat: Give it a go! Checks are an inoffensive pattern and easy enough to find in local stores. If you are looking for an easy transition item that is not too vibrant, red check shirts seem to be the top pick (there is so much choice at Uniqlo you will think that you have walked into checkoslovakia (bad joke!)). Warning: black and white checks apparently do not rouse the same level of fashion cool. I picked up a black and white shirt in Uniqlo recently to my Japanese friend’s absolute DISGUST.

The Hanger:

Two T-shirts in one (for the price of 3), where one sits under the other and the outer layer sort of hangs somewhere around chest level.

Advice for the western copycat: I have given this style a go, and have had nothing but disappointing results, but do not let my bad experience get you down. By all means, get out there and seek out the perfect hanging top and let me know how it goes! And just a friendly warning: this top is especially to be avoided on hot summer days as there is enough hidden material to clothe an entire Sumo tournament!

The ¾ Length Trouser

Come rain, shine or snow, the ¾ length pant allows the Japanese man to flaunt a peek of his muscly chicken legs and send the girls in to a giggly frenzy. They are literally worn with no regard for temperature whatsoever.
Advice for the western copycat: The ¾ length pant is also in-fashion in Europe, so it is not too out there to snag a pair for yourself, after all, they have to be better than an above-the-knee short, don't you think? However, in the bleak midwinter, be careful when sporting this fashion trend! I have no idea how the Japanese guys manage to get away without catching a cold (something you want to avoid especially in Japan as a minor sniffle will doom to wearing thd dreaded paper mask 24 hours a day!)

The Crazy sock

Incorporate some crazy check or a bright stripe into your sock wardrobe. Perhaps pairing the crazy sock with the ¾ length cure the paper mask blues, but you will likely look like a fool.

Advice for the western copycat: Embrace the crazy sock! I have been known to sport a crazy sock or two and in my experience it gets me kudos at your visit school when your poofta-pink check is clashing with your turquoise slippers. If your target audience isn't 7-year-old Japanese children, I am sorry if this advice is misleading.

The Man-bag

All colours, shapes and varieties, often accompanied by the aforementioned strap, and even a cheeky bit of check for good measure - the man-bag is a staple of Japanese men's fashion. Again, it seems the more effeminate the better, so go big, or go home!
Advice for the western copycat: The man-bag is far too useful to resist! Be sure to ignore that episode of Friends…who wants to take fashion advice from Matthew Perry anyway? Embrace your feminine side and grab one for yourself!

The Baggy Turn-ups

Be they cords, jeans or chinos, baggies are in - especially when rocking the ever-so-fashionable turn up! If you are so lucky, the turn up may even reveal a check pattern to cleverly clash with the checks you are sporting on the top half!

Advice for the western copycat: The turn up proves to be slightly more masculine than the rest of the going Japanese fashion, so trying out this trend is possibly the easiest and safest bet in your attempts to dress more Japanese. The turn up may be a popular trend with old men the world over, but news of this has yet to reach Japan. Turn up your regular old trouser bottoms just once and have them sit by your shoe. Turn them up some more to transform them into the aforementioned ¾ length, or turn them down to go for the super loose look… it is like three pairs of trousers in one!

The Big Hair

Whether it is Bart-Simpson-Spiky or a Jon-Bon-Jovi-Tapered-Mullet, Japanese men's hair is loud and proud, sculptured precisely into gravity-defying shapes that just won’t budge.
Advice for the western copycat: It is a hard-fastened rule that anyone of Asian descent must copy this trend. In fact, it should be illegal not to do so. You may have to wake up an extra hour earlier to style it all in place, or simply ditch your morning routine of eating and washing in the name of good hair. For the rest of us, we may as well quit while we are ahead. Even if at best you manage to create some spiky sculptured creation before you leave the house, 10 minutes down the road and you will be sporting a floppy hairball. Not to mention what would happen if it is hot or windy or snowy or rainy (in other words in England you might have half a hope in hell for about two weeks in June!). This however does not stop my hairdresser from poking my hair for an awkward half-an-hour on each visit, with a look of disbelief every time it falls flat against my head once again like the shameless caucasian I am.

The Japanese Girl

The Strap

Same as the man-strap, of course, but not nearly as offensive on a woman. Perhaps it is because these dangly bits and bobs are as feminine as it gets to begin with. Any size, shape, design, and character goes, and the more you can cram on every hangable bit, the better!
Advice for the western copycat: Go for it! Unlike the man-strap, they could even be safe back in England (?) (or maybe I have been in Japan for too long). Having said that, pick and choose! Perhaps steer clear of the gigantic Big Mac or Chicken McSandwich straps, which have become popular in Japan after a free giveaway with Happy Meals, as they do not have quite the same cute-factor as Mickey Mouse or Stitch! Quality over quantity, ladies!

Leggings under Shorts

So I admit, the leggings-under-shorts look is a bit of a twist to what we are doing back home, and leggings have been the craze for a while in the UK, so why not take it a step further? After all, leggings under shorts are far better than the recent UK trend of wearing just leggings aren't they? It seems that most girls go for simple black leggings with a splash of colour in the shorts, but it is not a hard venture to find lace, stripped, checked, or zebra print leggings too!

Advice for the western copycat: Perhaps this fashion trend is worth a try. I know you are probably thinking, 'no way' but it is far better that what is to come…

The Net Curtain

By this I mean the flouncy things hanging off of any item of clothing or accessory that seem to drape a few metres behind the wearer, whacking the innocent passer-by in the face. Sometimes these bits are so flimsy and bitty that you are not sure if they really are a piece of flowy clothing or if the poor girl has just left a tissue in the wash.
Advice for the western copycat: I would advise that the net curtain is a risky look. If you find yourself brave enough to try it out, please be cautious not to catch yourself in train doors or escalators. The net curtain should be sold with an attached health and safety warning!

The Dungaree:No explanation required. So in fashion at the mo in Japan!
Advice for the western copycat: Don't!

The Floral Onesey

If you have walked the streets of Tokyo lately you were sure to see hoards of cute girls decked out head-to-toe in delicate small flowery patterned one-piece outfits. From time-to-time these garden-esque prints can look quite cute, but often they are absolute overkill, particularly when used in combination with one (or even both) of the two previous fashion items.

Advice for the western copycat: I would say that the strangely popular pink-and-browny-pattern (I am looking at you, H+M) is very risky, especially for the blondes out there, but that aside, a bit of feminine floral never went amiss, I suppose… emphasis on the little.

The Off-Ginger

As if a normal ginger is not bad enough this salmony shade of pinky-auburn is clearly the fad with the Japanese ladies.
Advice for the western copycat: I have the utmost respect for anyone who is not of Asian descent and still chances colouring their hair in Japan. To be honest, the off-ginger is an odd colour, but you may as well risk-it-for-a-biscuit whilst you stick out like a sore thumb anyway! For people living outside of Japan, I think it goes without saying that no-one actually wants to be a ginger, so the only people who should be attempting the "off-ginger" are actual gingers!!

The Baggy Trouser: (Turn up optional)If my people watching skills are proving correct, the very very large baggy trouser seems to be in fashion on the streets of Japan. Often times the baggy-trouser-shoe-combination can be a bit questionable, but at least it steers clear of the overly used 'cutesy' look. The baggy trouser is almost the opposite in a very masculine way - a contradiction if ever there was one.
Advice for the western copycat: Unless you can find a pair of baggy trousers that do not make you look like a fat-middle-aged-unemployed-KFC-loving-man, take all caution when attempting to rock this fashion trend. If you do give it a try, please post your photos to this website so that we can all criticise (I really mean laugh at) your fashion success!

The Clump:The ever-so-slightly inappropriately high heel that is 2½ sizes too big and consequently makes walking an impossible feat, while resulting in a very loud clump on the pavement.

Advice for the western copycat: These sorts of shoes are certainly not to be worn if you are in a rush for absolutely anything. However, they may be worth considering if you there is an event coming up at work that you are hoping to get out of due to injury. The big clumpy shoes are a very impractical item but I suggest treating youself some day to a pretty pair of clumps, just for fun. Perhaps you could even sport your usual flats and bring along a pair of clumps in a bag, and at the perfect moment change shoes and strike a pose until the pain becomes unbearable.

This is by no means the be-all-end-all of Japanese fashion but I hope I was able to give you a small insight into what is hot on the streets of Tokyo. Japanese fashion is a funny thing, but with a little effort, any foreigner can successfully pull of the legginged-hanger-top-underneath-the-floral-print-with-lace-slouchy-full-length-onesie-with-apple-red-size-32-clumps. Or, on second thought, maybe not...

Photos courtesy of Fashion in Japan, Japanese Streets, and Cool Trans.

Originally written for the GUNMANIA JET blog and edited by Jessie Zanutig.

Some Other Things What Did Happen This Weekend

So, except for clubbing ever so politely and sleeping on a padded floor surrounded by comics, this weekend held many more exciting adventures. I went SHOPPING for the first time in ages, with some money my Mum and Dad gave me for my birthday...bought a cardy in Uniqlo (it really comes from Japan) and a super cool spring jacket from Comme Ca (I can't remember if we have them in the UK?), which I love so much (just need the weather to wear it now though). I love Japanese fashion (for guys only, for girls it is rank)...I just wish I was Japanese so that I could pull more of it off. The lady in Comme Ca was so so so hyper excited and lovely too...she told me I had pretty eyes and said I was amazing at Japanese and that the jacket would suit me so well and that I was so lucky to get it because it's been so popular and that my fashion was really cool...I think she was step off climbing over the counter and raping me to be honest.

I also went out for Turkish food in Shinjuku, Tokyo with a friend on Saturday evening, which made a nice change. Hummus and lamb!! So un-Japanese it was amazing. It's a nice restaurant, overlooking one of the main street in Shinjuku, so great for watching the world go by...slightly annoying Turkish Eurovision-entry style music playing and the constant threat that belly dancing could begin at any second, as advertised by its website were the downsides though.

On Sunday, having got home first thing and collapsing into a heap on my futon (or movable padded floor as I may now call it) for several hours, I went to a classical concert with this nice old man who lives in the next city. It was a really good concert...it's the third one we've been to and the first one I've managed to stay awake for the whole way through so that must say something for it right? European classical music seems to be really popular in Japan. He brought his niece along, who is my age and seemed really cool and we might hang out in Tokyo together soon, so that's nice too. Then we all went for an Indian (I know you must be thinking, it seems like you have eaten about 15 meals in this weekend Mark, and you would be very much CORRECT in thinking that).

I spent pretty much the remainder of the weekend lost in Shinjuku...that place is a NIGHTMARE. I swear, the station itself is so big it must have its own time zone...if you take the wrong exit (of which there are about 100, so the chances are you will), you somehow wind up in a TOTALLY different place to where you wanted to be, signs are few and far between, often only in Japanese and various colours, as if to trick you...things have confusing names like the "East Exit" and the "East Central Exit" or the "Lumine Department Store" and the "Lumine 2 Department Store" so that you think you are where you are supposed to be when, in fact, you are still nowhere near it. The streets of Shinjuku are confusing enough, but the station makes it even worse...I must have spent at least 10 hours in that station in total since I've been in Japan and I am still finding bits I didn't know existed...I was also 45 MINUTES late for meeting my friend on Saturday, even though we met in the same place we always do, because I just couldn't find it!! From now on, I do solemnly swear, never to select anywhere in or near Shinjuku as a meeting place ever again. End of.